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Episode 131
"You are about to experience the Drunken Peasants Podcast, the greatest podcast in human history! Please recognize that this podcast is designed to be amusing and entertaining, and thus we engage in satirical comments, exaggerations, and even dirty jokes. If you are offended by such things, please go away and die!" '- TJ Kirk announcing the Drunken Peasants Podcast' 'Episode 131 '''is an episode of the Drunken Peasants. Prev: Episode 130 Next: Episode 132 Highlights * New messages and ads for the show * Jean Francois and Stevie as guests * TJ's conservative redneck impression - 0:29:15 * Scotty reads Gail's article regarding Sara Avery - 2:03:18 Videos Played # Troll or Not a Troll Segment: E-CIG VAPING WARNING -NEW LAWS # JezuzFreek777: Gay Marriage/Confederate Flags # Alex Jones: Gay Rights Endgame An Asexual Humanoid # PragerU: Does Science Argue for or against God? # The Patriot Nurse: Get Your House In Order NOW! -- The Supreme Court # Atheism-Is-Unstoppable: Wait...Why Did They Call Me A Racist? # Dear Woman # A Godless Christian Country that supports Gay Marriage will soon add Pedophilia # BurnCoalition: Shane's Closet Bursts Open, Retards Flock In # Gail Chord Schuler: Gravitational pull disturbed by Sarah Avery's Vagina (flagged) Start of the Show The newest feature about this episode was a brand new intro for the show with all the ads and pre-show messages being condensed into one file instead of some clunky ass collection of clips. In this episode they were joined by a masked Mystery Guest, who is totally in no way TJ. They also brought Jean-François Gariépy and Stevie on the show as guests. They then went into a Troll or Not a Troll Segment where an anti-vaping duo of Jane from Breaking Bad and The Vigilant Christian's ugly retarded cousin. The Amazing Atheist Mystery Guest and the Peasants agreed that they were trolls and then they watched a JezuzFreek777 video about the Confederate flag. JezuzFreek showed the truth that those who do not defend the flag are not real Christians, obviously, and neither are those who do not oppose the Homosexual Menace. The Mystery Guest, after the ever ingenious and deductive Scotty guessed his initials to be TJ, revealed himself to be Terrance Jenkins representing the Church of Gail. The Mystery Guest then revealed his identity to be TJ Kirk III to the shock of everyone. His real identity blew up the Internet with Drunken Peasants trending internationally. Next, Alex Jones started explaining how transgenderism/homosexuality will end humanity and lead to the sexualization of children and the conversion of the human species to generic asexual humanoids. The Peasants then went on to cover a Prager "University" propaganda video about why God must exist because the the universe is big, yo. The man presenting also appears to be the lovechild of Anderson Cooper and Philip Seymour Hoffman. This twat went as far as cherry picking the research of Carl Sagan about the sustainability of life on planets. Their conclusion was that because of the high level of criteria for planets to sustain life, there must not be life on other planets. No logical dissonance here. The PragerU moron also kept quote-mining the words of scientists and atheists in attempt to further his propaganda; a bunch of those vacuous creationist dimwits who support PragerU just ate up all that bullshit. Next, The Patriot Nurse began stating that civil disobedience will occur to stop da gayz. She thinks that the federal government is overreaching their authority by letting people be happy with who they love. Those evil fucks. The Supreme Court is of course practically raining down oppressive edicts at this point. Then, the Racist Roo emerges out of nowhere to talk about how he was in Germany, probably because he's a Nazi.The racist kangaroo played the victim card after tapping his mama saying that he was just pointing out the truth about crime statistics. The Peasants correctly compared him to Napoleon Dynamite except without any of the redeeming kindness. Thomas James Kirk III then went on to challenge the Kangaroo to a fight, which is a terrible idea due to kangaroos' well-known talent for boxing and kicking. TJ then angrily demanded the Kangaroo to discuss this on the show and stop being a pussy. The racist kangaroo again misuses the word "infinitely" and claims the Drunken Peasants are interpreting the word infinitely "hyper-literally". Retarded Roo then goes on to give "advice to black people" by brilliantly suggesting that they do what they're told. He also suggested that black people stop listening to music with lyrics that police might find objectionable (Smoke weed everyday). This and other set of rules he sets for ONLY black people, because all other races get away with it. Middle of The Show To increase the atmosphere of bigoted retardation in the room, and also because the peasants were sick of that racist ma rsupial, JF and the peasants watched some feminist propaganda claiming that there's some sort of subconscious male mind that is responsible for all female suffering. It centered around two men who as they grow more spiritually aware, have started to worship femininity. Then, a Whoopi Goldberg lookalike makes a video explaining why gay marriage is horrible and attempts to prove a link between homosexuals and pedophiles. They then reviewed a video by a British teenager of indecipherable gender and fabulous hair (BurnCoalition) deriding TJ for the garbage video he did in response to Shane Dawson coming out as bisexual. It turns out, as expected, this fellow was another typical member of the "I'm offended" brigade. Next, Gail Chord Schuler, our Queen and prophet called upon the scientists of the world because of a gravitational anomaly ''"that be throwing off" the Church of Gail. She demands that someone do something about Sara Avery because she keeps eating everything; anything from billboards to weiner mobiles. She puts forward a hypothesis stating that Sara's vagina might collapse into a black hole. Gail concluded that Sara was made by Satan and is currently 2000 pounds and is chained underground where she is fed a mixture of chocolate cake and cottage cheese. She also suffocates people in her fatty folds much like TJ does to his enemies. End of The Show Next, a bunch of no-life bastards who do nothing but watch DP episodes over and over again started asking the Drunken Peasants some fucking questions. Teddy Rubskin and Egghead appeared in the Q&A Segment. The peasants then decided to end the mothafuckin' show. Quotes * "You are about to experience the Drunken Peasants Podcast, the greatest podcast in human history! Please recognize that this podcast is designed to be amusing and entertaining, and thus we engage in satirical comments, exaggerations, and even dirty jokes. If you are offended by such things, please go away and die!" -TJ Kirk announcing the Drunken Peasants Podcast * "French is disguisting. Anyone who speaks French should be dragged out into the street and beaten with a stick" - TJ saying that shit in front of JF * "What do you have against fucking progress, you piece of shit" ''- TJ talking to Atheism-Is-Unstoppable * "''I don't give a shit about you taking me seriously. Why would I? You're an imbecile! I would be more worried about fucking G Man taking me seriously!" - TJ responding to Devon Tracey * ''"Obviously there is a lot of willful ignorance when it comes to Christianity - there's still fucking Christians!" ''- TJ Kirk * ''"Scotty and Unfunny just go together for some reason." ''- TJ Trivia * Scotty desperately desires an invasion of Canada by the United States. Jean-François Gariépy does not object to it despite being a Canadian himself. * Stevie will become Phil Robertson in 20 years. * Jean-François Gariépy is a paid shill sent by Monsanto to poison humanity with GMOs, he even has the Monsanto logo tattooed on his ass * The Mystery Guest was raped by Jar Jar Binks with his meathammer cock. * Scotty is a hardcore vegan, and TJ is a non-entity. * The slogan for Eggs 2 is "Shell Shocked". Disclaimer Offended? -> Disclaimer Page Category:Drunken Peasants Episodes Category:Episodes featuring Stevie Category:Episodes featuring Jean-François Gariépy Category:Episodes featuring Guests